If just one more person tells me to go nibble on some saltines, I’m gonna go off the rails like Adam Sandler in Waterboy.
I’m sorry you have to see this side of me – the sheHulk side. All the ginger snaps, acupressure bands, and unisom tabs in the world can’t save me now.
Girl, pregnancy sucks in the beginning. There I said it. I realize it could always be worse. I used to think, “Oh boohoo Kate Middleton” with her slew of servants until I learned HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) is basically throwing up 50 times a day. Okay, duchess, you earned yourself a little street cred there.
Now, I love me a good mocktail recipe. However, when you’re in the grips of 24-7 gut rot, your girl ain’t got time to whip up some simple syrup with muddled mint strained through cheesecloth into a martini glass with edible gold confetti sprinkled on top. I literally summoned the strength of 5,000 horse drawn carriages just to extricate myself from the fetal position.
We need simple, and we need sugar. FAST. Without further ado, here are 5 mocktail recipes guaranteed to get you through the day.
1. The Virgin Screwdriver
A nod to how we got ourselves in this predicament. OJ is loaded with essential vitamins, potassium, and fiber. Don’t even think about Googling “how many calories are in one glass of orange juice?” Just drink the juice. You’ll feel better… for at least the next five minutes. If you’re low on iron, drink it with your prenatal pills for better absorption.
2. The Virgin Cranberry Vodka
Are you seeing a pattern here? Cranberry juice is great for flushing out your urinary tract. Drink up, since pregnant ladies are prone to UTI’s. I tend to prefer cran-apple over plain cranberry juice since it’s less tart. Bonus points for drinking it out of a kid’s plastic cup. Crush it.
3. A Virgin Bloody Mary with a Tums Chaser
If you can stomach the spice it’s worth it. I can’t stomach raw vegetables right now to save my life, but I can manage a few sips of V8. For a more complete virgin recipe, see my Sunday Bloody Mary Recipe and skip the vodka.
4. The Virgin Margarita
Mmm, salty lime juice. There’s no better way to keep your blood pressure from tanking the next time you get up off the couch. Mix frozen lime concentrate with ice in a blender and add club soda for a bubbly finish.
A little muddled mint would work well in this scenario but don’t stress if you don’t have fresh mint lying around. Passion fruit juice also pairs well with lime concentrate. For the real thing, check out My Foolproof Margarita Recipe and skip the triple sec/tequila.
5. The Virgin Strawberry Daiquiri
Basically blended frozen strawberries with a little bit of lime juice and lemonade. If you don’t like lemonade, use one cup of orange juice instead. If you’re into smoothies like me, check the freezer section of your grocery store for pre-mixed Jamba Juice smoothie kits. They’re amazeballs and healthier than gas station slushies. Though I never said I was opposed to slushies…
In pregnancy land, less is more. Keep your recipes basic and stick to the foods that make you feel better.
Shaken, stirred — who cares? This is survival mode, and James Bond ain’t got a clue what it’s like to be preggo in today’s world.
I dedicate this post to all the preggo ladies out there suffering from extreme morning sickness. No one realizes how debilitating and demoralizing it can be until you’ve experienced it for yourself.
Hang in there and give yourself a hug for being awesome.